Monday, August 13, 2007
I was one of those little kids who started saying from age 4 or 5 that I was going to move to California. And I meant it. My life kind of revolved around that dream. Even in my young adulthood I wouldn't take a job that wouldn't be able to transfer me California at some point. I was the kind of kid that was always trying on her mom's high heels, apparently looking for some place to go. Before I was sixteen I had dreams (literally, in-my-sleep dreams) about driving because I was so excited to learn how to drive.
I think I'm just one of those people who is always looking to the next thing. All winter I said that I can't wait for summer and then last week on the way to church I told Brian that I can't wait until Christmas (at which point he told me to enjoy the summer for which I waited so anxiously). I think I just push. I'm always looking forward to the next thing. I'm always curious about what's going to happen next. I'm a wings person. There are roots people and there are wings people, and I'm a wings person.
When I worked for the government, it didn't occur to me to dislike living out of a suitcase from traveling any and every where until Brian and I got engaged and I had a reason to want to stay in the area. I'm a wings sort of person.
It is a mystery then, how someone, who has spent their entire life actively seeking the next step forward, is now wanting to step back. I am so homesick. I think about us moving back to Michigan all the time. We went back to my parents a couple of weeks ago and ever since I just keep looking for ways to make moving back a reality. It's strange. I've spent my whole life wishing I wasn't in Michigan and now it's the only place I want to be. Maybe it's just all part of it. I just wasn't expecting to feel this way. Weird. It is potentially a phase, and if it's not, maybe we should honestly think about it. We'll see. But in the meantime, if you see me or talk to me on the phone or communicate with me in any way expect me to mention something about being homesick. Because I am. And I don't stuff very well (obviously, I just told the entire world that I'm homesick). :)