Officially Technological

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Yucca

We have a Yucca plant. We didn’t know we had a Yucca plant until the re-landscaping party we had this spring during which we pulled up a bush on the corner of our house. Lurking under the bush was the Yucca.

The Yucca was fortunate at that point that Brian was standing next to me. As soon as we saw it growing there on the corner of our living room, my face fell. I start motioning to the guys who had just unearthed the bush to follow the same procedure with the Yucca. But when I turned to my husband, I realized that his face had responded in an opposite way. His hand was motioning to brush the extra dirt off the leaves. As it was 4:30 in the afternoon, and everyone’s nails were in shreds and muscles likewise, the Yucca stayed in the corner by our living room.

The Yucca plant, for those of you who are blithely unaware, is desert plant, and – like most desert plants – is more interesting than attractive. It has hard, tall, extremely pointy evergreen leaves that stick out in a ball. The leaves have little tendrils growing off of it. I’m not sure what those are or why they are, but the plant continuously looks unkempt.

As you can probably construe, I don’t like the Yucca. I justified keeping the Yucca by the thought that we had purchased scads of wonderfully beautiful plants, and what, in the scheme of things, could one Yucca do spoil the whole landscape? Besides, Brian liked it and wanted to keep it, and I thought he might as well enjoy it while it lasted since a Yucca could not possibly subsist in the mid-west where it rains much more than a desert plant may desire.

Unfortunately, it has been one of the hottest, driest summers in Indiana history, and the Yucca, instead of being a backdrop for all the lovely plants we so fervently planted, is now the showcase piece in a flower bed of mostly dead plants. It has more than doubled its size now that it’s in the sun, and has even started new Yuccas in the area around it. It’s like a disease. A big Yucca disease.

So, I’m now auctioning about 7 Yuccas. The little ones, I’m starting at $.10. The big mother of all other Yuccas I will starting at $.50. Yuccas do best in areas where they are unwanted, and since the whole country is hot and dry right now, any continental United States region will most likely support growth.*

*Yucca is not guaranteed to arrive or transplant in good heath. Yucca may blemish verdant landscaping schemes. All sales are final.
posted by Julie at 12:55 PM


Yeah, they pretty much suck. But around here, they're the prettiest thing we have. At least you don't have an ocotillo. Seriously.

I feel for you on the having to keep a plant you don't like front. Maybe you could "accidentally" spill some poison you happen to be carrying while stolling through the garden on it.

16/8/07 19:18  

Would you recommend Yuccas for dingy college apartments (which always seem to be 80°+) that house careless (anti-plant-watering) college students?

If so, I will allow you to pay me a one time lump sum of money or popcorn to take them off your hands. As an additional counter-offer bonus, you may also handle the transportation of these Yuccas to the greater Detoit area.

Do we have a deal?

17/8/07 09:00  

Caitlin: Tempting...

Beth: Would poison work? I think it may be too harty even for poison.

17/8/07 09:34  

Just have me over - make sure I look at the plant and touch it once (for good measure) .... that's all it'll take to kill it, no matter how 'hardy' it is!

I think my "lucky" bamboo is on it's way out. :(

17/8/07 10:33  

Oh, you so under-value the yucca! Both the flowers and fruits are edible, as well as the flower-stalk (cook it like asparagus, or peel and eat it raw). Also, the leaves and roots are one of the only soap-sources in the desert; I've used them for hand soap, shampoo, and dish-scrubbing many times myself. If that's not enough, the leaves are very fibrous; perfect for drying, soaking, separating and twisting into very valuable cordage for everything from basket-making to snares for small animals to however you might use a length of string. I've also seen a pair of sandals made from the durable leaves.

You have the "general store" of the desert growing in your front yard.

19/8/07 19:29  

Flowers?? Fruit?? Indiana Yucca has no such interesting qualities. :)

20/8/07 10:01  

They do look downright seussian when they get the stalks and flowers. But I've only ever seen that happen here in AZ.

20/8/07 12:01  

You could always accidentally spill the gasoline while you are filling the mower...

20/8/07 20:33  

I am the killer of plants, if you have me house sit again... They will be dead when you come back. Do we have a deal? I am on vacation right now... aka I am available to kill.?.:) ;)

24/8/07 09:51  

You're HIRED! LOL!

24/8/07 13:07  

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