Wednesday, June 22, 2005
FED Files - Volume V
In our sub-agency (DRMS), there are currently 7 interns. Two months ago there were 8 of us, but Melissa, the girl from Puerto Rico, quit to return to her previous employer. Out of the seven who are left there are 3 contracting interns (Dan, Aaron B, and Sarah), 2 Property Disposal interns (Casey and John), and 2 environmental interns (Lawrence and myself).
It has recently come to management's attention that Aaron B has lied and cheated on his time (which, from what I can tell, is the only reason a Federal employee can be fired). He skipped class last Monday to blow off the day with his girlfriend in Traverse City and didn't call in to inform anyone of his absence. He figured that the people in class would assume he was at his work-station, and that the people in the office would think he was in class, and that he would be safe for the day. Unfortunately for him, the instructor told him on Tuesday that he had already missed too much of the course and would have to have his boss reschedule it, and so his little scheme unraveled.
He now claims that his car was in "the shop" and that he informed the instructor that he would be unable to attend class in the morning, but a call to his mechanic and to the instructor would obviously clear up these obvious alibis.
Tomorrow, our "boss" (we all have three bosses) from Columbus, and her boss will be making the four hour drive to Michigan to have "a meeting" with Aaron B. Apparently you don't want your boss to make a special trip to Michigan for "a meeting", because "meetings" like this usually result with the offender (Aaron B) walking to his car on the arm in arm with a security guard.
Today, most likely, will be Aaron B's last lunch at the Battle Creek Federal Center, the last time he'll be able to work-out in the gym, and the last day he'll get to live off of tax-payer dollars. Aaron B - Fired.
Much like the monkeys jumping on the bed, there will soon be 6 of us interns here at DRMS. Who will be the next to fall off and "break his head"?
Which brings me to my transfer. I have to turn in a list of five places where I would willingly be transferred by December 1st for a move as early as March 1st. Has anyone signed themselves up for a transfer before? It seems like an easy decision, but I can assure you that it is not. I feel like I'm both the designer of my own fate, and at the same time... completely out-of-control. Thank goodness I have until December to choose. For kicks, I'll post some of my the places on my list.
- Fort Meade, Maryland (half an hour north of Washington DC)
- San Diego, California (at the Naval base, not Pendleton)
- Tuscon, Arizona
- Scott AFB, Illinois (about 20 minutes outside of St. Louis)
- Great Lakes, Illinois (half an hour north of Chicago)
- Selfridge AFB, Michigan (half an hour north of Detroit)
- Columbus, Ohio
Not necessarily in that order.
So, it is likely that tomorrow it will be farewell to Aaron B, and next year it is likely that it will be hello to California!