Officially Technological

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our toaster. It troubles me. First, let me explain that our toaster is the nicest looking toaster on the shelf. It is stainless steel, and is curved at the crown. It also has various different settings (one for a bagel, one for frozens, one for warming, etc). It is a very handsome toaster. Unfortunately, now that it’s ornaments my kitchen (where it recoils behind our microwave – which is also nice-looking and is much less troubling), I mistrust several features.

First of all, with the experience of an 11-month homemaker, I can confidently declare that 2 slots are not enough slots in a toaster. We justified it for two reasons: first, the 4-slot toasters were a little too “magnificent” for our space; and secondly, because we’re only two people and two people can only eat two pieces of toast at one time, right? Wrong. As I found out last night (which was our first BLT night of the summer), 2 people can easily eat 4 pieces of toast at a time. And besides, having a two-slotted toaster leaves one with no latitude when one has company for breakfast (or for BLTs).

Another vexation I have with my toaster is the browning factor. It seems as though if one would like his/her toast to not be toast at all, but soft bread, or if one would like his/her toast to be charcoal, our toaster would be satisfactory. My grandmother, for an example, liked her toast to be quite crisp and I am persuaded within myself that she would have no objections about our toaster. But for those who prefer to have their toast lightly browned on both sides and still soft on the inside, our toaster would be found to be insufficient.

This morning, after having an altercation with the toaster last night and still having feelings of ill-will toward it, I timed it to see how long it took to “toast” my bread. It took four minutes. Four minutes in the morning violates my very calculated schedule.

So, in short, I’m selling a toaster. One very nice-looking toaster that either warms or chars (and indeed does both very well). I will sell my toaster to the highest bidder. I set the low bid at 50 cents.