Officially Technological
Friday, July 22, 2005
FED Files - Volume VII
A New Element*
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes**. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Mormass."
When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.
*As much as I would love to say that I created this myself, I did not. I actually recieved it from one of my co-workers.
** This is my favorite part.
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes**. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Mormass."
When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.
*As much as I would love to say that I created this myself, I did not. I actually recieved it from one of my co-workers.
** This is my favorite part.
7 Comments:
LOL!!! You recieve 5 stars for the day.
Being one of the Peons, I think I've used up all my productivity for another four days updating my blog.
Actually this was passed around our office by the main boss who was the biggest bureaucrat ever.....the guy had a report for everything. Everything was micromanaged.........sigh.
Bad Josh (or should I say Marcia?).
No more punning now. I mean it.
"Anybody want a peanut..." Marcia?
There was totally a RHYME there.
"No more punning now. I mean it."
"Anybody want a peanut?"
For all those not relate to either me or Marcia (sometimes refered to as "Josh"), we watched The Princess Bride way, way, way, way, way, way, too many times. And every time someone says anything that is even remotely close to a line from The Princess Bride, you can get any number of my family members quoting the movie for hours.
See?....
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