Friday, February 03, 2006
This Is Only Funny Because It's True
For all the visitors, from places other than Michigan, coming to the Super Bowl in February.
- First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Deh-troit. NOT DEE-troit. If you pronouce it DEE-troit then we will assume you are from Toledo and here for the country music hoe-down.
- Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own version of traffic rules... Hit the gas, hold on and pray!
- The morning rush hour is from 6:00 am to 10:00 am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open season.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. If you're first off the starting line when the light turns green, count to five before going across the intersection. This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep from getting shot.
Schoenherr can ONLY ;be properly pronounced by a native of the Detroit metro area. That goes for Gratiot too.
- Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, The Lodge and The Southfield Freeways are a way of life and forever. Just deal with it. (We do. So, you have to too.)
- If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect or they are "out-of-towners" (truer words have never been spoken)
- All old men (or women) with white hair wearing a hat have total right-of-way.
- The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 and I-275 is 85 regardless of the posted speed. Anything less is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and don't even think of allowing more than one car length between your car and the guy in front of you, you're just giving someone the chance to cut you off!
- That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental. DO NOT get out of your car to take pictures.
- Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says "Keep honking, I'm reloading", he/she most likely is.
- If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone,people are not waving because they are so friendly. I would suggest you move over quickly, duck, or both.
- I-275 and I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.
- It's not M-10, it's "The Lodge".
- That's not a lake, it's a pothole.
- If someone tells you It's on Outer Drive, you better hope you have a map (you have no idea how true this is. I worked right off of Outer Drive for a year and still got lost every time I got on it).
- The Michigan left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get in the left lane, then make a left, then make another left, then make a right when you get back to the intersection where you wanted to turn left in the first place. NOW you have gone left.
And those 2 really ugly arches over Telegraph???? DON'T EVEN ASK!! WE DON'T HAVE A CLUE!!!!!
WELCOME, ENJOY YOUR STAY, BUT AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH THE LOCALS!