Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I Think I'm Anxious (It must be the Praxis)
In the last few weeks I've had every anxiety dream known to man. The kind where you can't open your eyes (I hate that one). The kind where you're running from something. The kind where you don't go to class and then you show up for the final exam and don't know much of anything (that one I may deserve as I did something similar in a college math class that I hated). But last night's dream was the worst one. Last night I dreamed that I needed a root canal. A dream that most people would be able to laugh that one off. A lion chasing you all night, a failing grade, being unclothed in public - those are frightening, but a root canal???
I think the reason it was so disturbing was because I have a tooth that hurts and since I don't have dental insurance I don't want to go to the dentist unless absolutely necessary. Whoa. Let me back up, lest you think I'm one of those people who doesn't take care of their teeth. I take care of my teeth. I'm a little over-the-top about taking care of my teeth. My teeth get both flossed and brushed at least twice a day. I used to live at the dentist office. They would close shop, I'd pull out a little cot. I mean, I've spent a lot of time at the dentist. But I'm soooooo tired of the dentist. And my last dentist, though a very artful dentist - who made my teeth about as pretty as my teeth could be, was a whack job. I do have to hand it to the guy, he did a great job making my teeth look nice, but he definitely wasn't the kind of dentist someone like me should go to, because he filled and refilled every teeny, tiny spec in my entire head (even specs that he wasn't sure about). It was a nightmare. Not to mention expensive. So, I'm really, really tired of dentists who make me feel like I'm a bad/irresponsible person for flossing only twice a day. So, my dream about going to the dentist and needing a root canal seemed very real. And very scary.
But I don't think it's my tooth that is the cause of my stress. I'm pretty sure it's the Praxis. I haven't taken a test in eons. Much less a test that actually counts for something more than 25% of a grade. In the scheme of things (I wish I had realized this in college), a test in a class is just a drop in the bucket. Anywhere from 10%-25% of a grade that is 1/50th or so of your total GPA. Yeah, those tests really don't mean anything (maybe I should put a disclaimer on this for parents not to let their kids read it). But the Praxis means something, because it stands alone. Ugh. So, I've been studying up for it, and it will probably be OK, but really, I will just be so much happier when it's done and out of the way.