Thursday, April 28, 2005
Speaking of Unobservant...
Last weekend, Aaron walked into a public bathroom that was empty and chose... (well, which stall would any of us choose?) the handicapped stall. While he was in the handicapped stall he heard the door open, and a wheelchair roll in. Feeling extremely ashamed *aside - you'd think there'd be a fine for using the handicapped stall if you're not handicapped* he tried to hurry, but he heard the wheelchair wheel into a small stall, kind of shuffle around trying to squeeze in, and finally shut the door. At the point when Aaron felt thoroughly guilted, the bathroom door opens again and he heard shoes clicking across the floor.... Yes clicking.... As in high heels.... As in, he was in the women's bathroom....
That, my friends, is a true story. I'm still chuckling.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Random Goal #1:
I'm interested in hearing other people random goals... Yes this is a shameless ploy to get you all to comment on my blog, but ploy or not, I want to know everyone else's goals.
Unobservance. Pass it on.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
FED Files - Volume 1
As many of you know, I work for the Feds, and as more of you know, Feds can be a little... odd. We blame our eccentricity on a lot of things (mostly, the bad dental plan). Looking around me, I see so many things to comment on, and so few people to tell, so I will start writing my comments on my blog when I feel inspired. Today, I'd like to say a little something about parking at the Hart-Dole-Inoyue Federal Center (from here on out, I will refer to it as the HDI Federal Center, because for you to feel like you're a part of the story, I have to use our lingo, and our "lingo" is completely comprised of acronyms). The HDI Federal Center has a total of approximately 2000 employees. Out of that 2000, 400 are contractors and do not work for the government. And then there's the 1600 Feds. This is really important to my story, because if you can imagine parking lots big enough to house 2000 employees, and imagine that 80% of those employees have flex-time, you can imagine how rare it would be to park near the same people every day. However, this couldn't possibly be any more untrue! I actually park by the exact same people every day. I park by the little 2 door gold Honda (I don't actually know that guy), and right behind my friend Chris, who drives a Toyota Carola with a Michigan State decal. And then kiddy-corner to my parking spot is a minivan that has a "W '04" bumper sticker, and next to him is the guy with the red car, on who has the empty space next to him with the light post.
You all know how much I travel. I'm gone virtually 50% of the time, yet, when I come back, it's always the same, I'm always in my exact same spot. Whether I come in at 7:30, or 8:00, or even in the case of Fridays when I'm lucky to roll in at 9:00, I still have my parking spot by the little gold Honda (I park next to him because next to his little Honda, my little Honda looks pretty darn good). That's why I know there must be assigned parking that I'm unaware of. I must have missed the memo (or deleted it) that said, "Julie, you must park 4 spaces to the left of the light post, 6 spaces back." That in mind, I'm waiting for the day I come out to my car and there's a note on my windshield that says, "YOU'RE IN MY SPOT! You're assigned to 4 spaces to the left of the light post, 6 spaces back! For Pete's sake get it right!" Or maybe they'll call on the intercom. "Julie W? Julie W. Please report to security, you car is in the wrong spot. I repeat, your car needs to be moved to 4 spaces to the left of the light post, 6 spaces back!"
So in conclusion, the HDI Federal Center either has assigned parking or we are all creatures of habit. Either way it's a little disturbing. Maybe tomorrow I'll shake things up and park in a different stop. But then I wouldn't be next to the little gold Honda that makes my Honda look good. And I wouldn't walk in with my friend, Chris, and hear about his latest scheme of starting a radio station that only announces good news. So sign me up for a parking spot or call me crazy, but I declare that I am 3 to the right, 2 back (put that on your name tag, talk about a handle)!
Cliches and Puns
Saturday, April 23, 2005
The Science Of Swiss Rolls*
- One full glass of milk (suggested milk - Vitamin D)
- One package of Swiss Rolls
- Carefully unwrap the Little Debbie Swiss Roll. Ensure that the white cardboard is intact and uncrumpled for upcoming employment.
- Gently stab the Swiss Roll with a fork in one end so that the fork is not perpendicular with the Roll, but is at an 180 degree angle with the Roll.
- Pick up the Swiss Roll with the fork, and bite off the opposite end. Mr. Oesch claims that this step guarantees a superior exposure to the milk.
- Completely submerge the entire Swiss Roll in the full glass of milk.
- Leave the Swiss Roll immersed for 30 seconds or until the milk stops bubbling, this step will ensure that the Swiss Roll has been completely saturated with milk.
- Take a normal size bite of Roll.
- Repeat Steps 4-7 until the Swiss Roll is completely consumed.
- Repeat Steps 2-8 until both Rolls have been entirely eaten.
- Place the soiled fork on the undamaged white cardboard.
- Drink the milk without stirring.
- Repeat Steps 11-12 until all milk is gone.
- Investigate the bottom of the glass to be sure that none of the Swiss Roll residue is still in the bottom of the glass.
- If there is no residue skip to Step 18.
- If residue is located it, recover it with the fork.
- Return the fork to the white cardboard.
- Lean back in your chair.
Matt Oesch is certain that this innovative procedure will deeply impact your existence, and is open to any questions and/or expressions of gratitude that you may have.
*Formerly known as "Hoho's".
Disclaimer: The opinions shared in this announcement may not reflect the opinions of this blog, or it's publisher.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Hello From The Big Easy
It's been a long time since I've had internet access and this is exactly why I don't like technology, because as soon as you don't have it, you start going into withdrawl. :) So, now that I'm connected, let me sum up my New Orleans experience for you.
Luggage lost!!! However.....
My hotel is about three blocks from Bourbon St. and right in the middle of everything. The food is incredible, and the jazz bands that hang out on the streets are pretty cool too. I don't have internet access and since my luggage was lost, and since my cell-phone charger was in my luggage, I didn't have phone access for a while either. It was refreshing!! It was like living in the 1980's for a couple of days. *Aside: Brooke, my I've been apologetically pleading with my pencil to come back* Anyway, I got my luggage back on day 2, and some of my stuff was stolen out of it (thank goodness not my cell phone charger - the '80's fun only lasts so long). But, I'm having an overall good time, and have managed to have some good food (which you all know I like), some good experiences, and hopefully *fingers crossed* some good pictures. But welcome to 2005. I'm now on the internet (the twitching from withdrawl has subsided) at the tune of $8/hr, and drinking some weird water with "lemon" and Splenda (I obviously don't believe the whole lemon claim). So you see that although I have been relaxing the last several days in New Orleans, 1989, I'm now back in a mall in 2005.
More when I return to Michigan...
Friday, April 15, 2005
Boy Meets Girl.... And Anxiety Kicks In...
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Introducing *drum roll* "Sheldon"!